Day 122 --- down time and up time

When I'm on the good mood, teeth look good and strait. But when I'm feeling low and in the bad mood, they look more tilted. Is it just physiological thing? If they are straight, though, no matter how I feel they should look straight. So I'm just trying to be okay with tilted set of teeth most of times. But today, I'm more tired and not feeling so good. So my teeth especially bother me.

Now I'm thinking, it wasn't because I ate French fries, but probably because I brushed my teeth too soon. I started Day 17. That's just past two weeks. The doctor didn't stop me, though. I just should had waited. I remember now that it was painful to open my mouth. Then I had to move brush between small space between my upper jaw and lower jaw. I think that did it. Somehow some point I must have pushed too much. Then that caused this shift. Yes. Call me stupid. That's how I feel. Why why why I didnt wait? First of all, I never imagine that the jaw would move like that. They are. bolted together. But then, like my orthodontic dentist explained, upper jaw is like Plastic Easter egg. Only if I knew.

Too late.

I just have to live with my own mistake and every time I look at my tilted teeth, I just know how stupid I am. Right? Great!

Sorry, I'm really downer today. I'd better stop writing.

Day 118 --- Getting better?

I had another dentist appointment today. This one is to check if my jaw is still moving without rubber bands. It's been one week since I went to the dentist, and it looked like stable. He said so, too. There is still small gap between my upper set of teeth and lower set of teeth. He said it's easy to put those teeth close together moving teeth. But he doesn't want to do it until he's sure that the jaw is stable. So that's what we are checking. This time, it will be for two weeks until the next appointment. I think after that, he may try to move my teeth to come close together. My teeth are lining up better, though. I think so and one of his assistant who hasn't seen me said that too. Last time she saw me was when I told the dentist my teeth are tilted. She said they look a lot better and she doesn't notice the tilt so much. Well,
"so much" is the point, isn't it? It's still there. But not so obvious. So if you don't know me and look at my teeth, you may not notice. That's what I'm hoping. There is a slight hope now. It looks like I don't have to live with huge tilt in my face. Non of faces are perfect, right? Everyone has little difference between left and right.

Anyway, I'm happy for now. It may take another couple of months before braces are off. But at least, the dentist try to make the best of it.

Day 116 --- Taste buds

Ever since the surgery, I have carvings for salty foods.
I always liked salty foods, but now unstoppable. I have to have some.
Maybe because inside my mouth is still numb, my taste buds seem to
want to feel stronger taste. I liked chocolate and sweets, too. But
I don't have cravings for sweets anymore. Strange. I guess the surgery
messed that things up, too.

Day 111 --- Interesting New Truth

I had an appointment with orthodontic dentist today. The result, no changes.

First, he asked me how I felt.
Well, I don't know. I'm just tired of wearing this braces not knowing
where this is going.
Then he checked. He said they look better. I think so too.
They lined up more or less. He said the bites are fine.
Okay what else??

He said, "If teeth stay the way they are now, you are done. But I don't know."
"How long should I wait?" I asked.
"It's kind of up to you," he answered.
"I could be done now. I'm getting tired of thinking." I said.
"Okay, then. Let's see if teeth move or not without rubber bands for a week or so,
if they don't move. That's good. You may be done." He said.

So this week, I will see if nothing moves or not without rubber bands.
I don't think they will. I pushed myself hard, and they don't go anywhere.

He had resident girl today, so he was explaining more details of what happened.
He said "yeah, her left side of face is smaller than the right side, so lower jaw is actually tilted."

WHAT?

LOWER JAW IS TILTED.

"and surgeon matched to what she had on the lower jaw, so naturally, it is tilted."
Thanks a lot. I noticed my nose isn't straight, and surgeon matched to my nose,
so now I have not only have bend nose, but also shifted teeth. The center of
teeth somehow matches to the center of my nose. But that's not center of my face.
Do you get it?

I know everyone has something. But isn't it too much?

He said "ideally, you should have had lower jaw extended to level."
It's too late now. I'm not going in again. I guess it wasn't sever case,
then they think it's too much to go through double jaw surgery.
So they decided without asking me the option. Well, I don't know if I
wanted to do the double jaw, probably not. But finding out later that things are
not perfect in the first place doesn't make you feel good.

So in the way, that's the best they can do.
Bites are fine, and as long as they don't move, they are good, even though
there is a slight tilt. I don't see the tilt as much as when I first found out.
So that's good. I can live with this. The dentist said the same thing,
"I can live with that," as long as they stay.

My advice to anyone who is going to have surgery, the trick is to know
your face WELL. They don't know anything. They just do routinely. If anything
happened, that's not them to live with it. I wish I knew that my nose isn't the
center of the face. I didn't look at my face that closely.

The other complain is that after the surgery, the second appointment I had with
this dentist had to reschedule, just because I had school stuff. Then, they
didn't put me in for extra 3 weeks. That's the long time. They might be busy,
but after surgery, things are time sensitive. If something happened, and they found
it sooner, there was better chance to recover. I feel that I wasted that
three weeks. By the time I saw my dentist, it was too late. It's been 6 weeks.

Now they see my problem, they put me in whenever I want. See? How world works?
I should had spoken up. If anyone faces the similar situation, please not be afraid
to tell what you think. Most likely you are right. You know what's best for yourself.

I will see what will happen this week, eat carefully, then go back to see him next week.

Day 106 --- ENT doctor appointment

Just to make sure if everything is okay, I went to see ENT doctor. The result, FINE. Good.
I have this on and off ear plugged situation. I don't know why. But the doctor said my tube is clear, and hearing test was normal. So just some after effect from the surgery and "it will heal in time." he said.
That's a relief.

Sudden ear pressure change

It happened around 3:30 p.m. My right ear, right, the ear I had problem with after the surgery started feel pressure, or muffled. I can still hear. But it is different. I don't know what is happening. Hope nothing serious. Someone told me to go to see a doctor right away. I wish I could. It is Saturday tomorrow.

I'm wondering... as my jaw moves (if it is moving) it might be disturbing my inner tube. Or worst case scenario is minor stroke inside my head.

Oh I just hate those post surgery complications!

Day 100 --- When to give up

This is me smiling, taken today. See you can still see it's not quite strait. 

But wait a minute. My nose isn't quite straight, either. When they did surgery, 

as they moved my upper jaw forward, tilted down, they also rotate a few 

millimeters to match the center of bottom teeth. Maybe that's why it looks 

"not straight." Over all, I think look tolerable now. No body has perfect 

symmetric face, right? 

Now, here is my worries. There is more gap between upper set of teeth and 

bottomset of teeth. It looks more straight than before, but at the same time, 

that made more gap. This picture is how they sit together. They don't go 

any closer. I remember that right after the surgery, both sets of teeth shut 

together perfectly. So obviously, this happened after that. After the shift. 

I don't know if this is the way it will be, or things will keep moving, although 

the part that we want to move doesn't move at all. 

My dentist appointment next is November 20th. I don't know what 

he will say. He wasn't happy how things are. I don't think he will happy to see this. 

But the question is that will he be ever happy about my teeth? I don't think so. 

Unless I'm wearing this braces FOEVER!  

I'm tired of braces. I want them off. I start not caring about this, although 

it bothers me, of course. I just want to forget about this. Because I'm wasting of 

my time worrying and complaining how things turn out. But there are more 

important stuffI have to take care of. I just wish I read all the blogs before 

the surgery. I didn't prepare myself enough. For the people who will have surgery 

in the future, good luck! and hope you won't have the same problem I had. 

Day 97 --- Over bite

My bites feel different everyday. I don't know if it's a good thing or not, if it's improving or messing up. I think my jaw is still slightly tilted. Just I don't notice as much as before. I may just got used to it. I don't know. One thing I noticed is over bite. When right after the surgery, my both jaws and teeth were completely shuts and met. Now I see gap between upper set of teeth and lower set of teeth. That might means that I may be starting to have over bite. AGAIN. What I'm afraid is that since my upper jaw was only touched small sections and screwed, does it come totally off from scull? As it moves off from scull, teeth will come forward, right? I hope this isn't the case. Because if that happens, for sure I will have to go back to do the surgery again. I don't know if I could go through the same thing again.

The other thing that I'm not happy about is the WIDE SMILE. The dentist thinks that's the good thing. But my face was skinny before. My chin points out nice triangle. But now, because my smile is wide, I feel my face is much bigger, or wider. My mouth is bigger for sure. Maybe I waisted all that money and time only to get more problems. If I was 20s, that might worth it. But I'm half way in 40s. I guess I was too late to care about this. Disappointed.

Day 90 (3 months) --- Orthodontic Dentist App

I had another orthodontic dentist appointment today. I was almost hoping to take out braces. Not because it solved the problem, but I was getting tired of it. I'm tired of wearing braces, I'm tired of thinking my jaw is tilted. I'm tired of why this is happening to me.

But unfortunately, it didn't happen. The dentist said it is improving a tiny bit, but not perfect. I was wondering in my head, "forget about being perfect. It won't happen." He said "I'm not worried about now or couple weeks from now, I'm worried about 2 years from now." Well, that doesn't sound good. The thing is, even we made some improvement, there is not guarantee that will stay that way. It already moved. There is a possibility of moving even more for worse.

What we did today was add another rubber band to pull straight down. So right now, I have two rubber bands that pulling one to the side, and one to straight down. I can feel a little pressure on my teeth. So hopefully this will improve some, so I could be done with it.

The truth is, my jaw is still tilted. It is very unfortunate. Maybe I pushed too hard to brush my teeth after a few weeks. I don't know. Only it is not as obvious as before, or so it seems. Maybe I just getting used to what looks like. Here is a picture I took today.

If you see the other picture, probably the wire line is getting a tiny bit even. 

I just want to believe so. Another three weeks, then he'll check again. 

I guess I'm not in a hurry, so see how this goes. The dentist comment, 

"if we pray really hard, that side might come down to make it even." 

Okay, let's pray now :) 

Day 82 --- Changes in bites

I'm not sure if my tilted jaw is moving or not. But I can feel something is changing. My bite on the right side is very tight, almost grinding teeth together. And now I feel left side is getting close to bottom teeth. I don't see diagonal line in my front teeth. So in a way, I'm happy that my tilted jaw isn't so obvious. At the same time, I'm not quite comfortable eating with these bites. I feel sore to eat. I don't know that's because my braces are too close to my cheek and bothering, or the bites. I will have my dentist appointment in a week. Maybe he could tell me what's going on.

Day 75 --- Adjusting Relapse

It's been a week since dentist visit. I'm not sure if rubber bands are working or not. However, I don't see too much diagonal line of two front teeth anymore. If I see it closely, I can still see right side is lower than the left. But the gap between the teeth might have been slightly smaller. I don't know hot the "right bite" feels like since I have never had one. How I feel is that right side I feel upper teeth and lower teeth touching. The left side, some of teeth are touching but not as tight as the right side. One thing I wonder is that my teeth on the left started scratching inside the mouth and kind of painful. It wasn't like that before. Does that mean my teeth are moving? My jaw is morning, too? It doesn't look like, but if that's the case, even though it will be impossible to be back to where they were right after the surgery, they might settle where I could tolerate. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Day 70 --- Jaw Relapse

Continued from yesterday. I've been wearing the rubber bands hoping this gap will close and bring the left side down so the angle of jaw will be straight. I think it is moving tiny bit. Because I could feel left side teeth are closer to the bottom teeth when I close my bite. The question is, how much this will move, and how long do I have to do this?

I think why this happened could be many factors, but probably my own fault. I started eating more or less around 33 days. That was only 4 weeks. I don't know why I didn't think that could mess up things. At that time, probably #1, I was getting tired of liquid diet. #2, when I was with someone, didn't want them to feel bad, so pretended I could eat normal, #3, jaw surgery in my head was DONE thing, and I didn't imagine whatever I was doing could affect it. Stupid!!!

If I only waited for couple more weeks! I spent all the time energy and money plus my family's help,
I totally messed that up! There is not many people like me is that no one is as stupid as I was.. that's what I feel.

How the normal bite feels like? Are those teeth (upper and lower) touching when closed?
My right side is touching, and my left started touching since rubber band. But my bottom teeth feel sore
because of it. I don't know if I could bite anything, or chew anything. Since my bite changed, I almost don't know how to chew! It feels different. Also taste different. Inside mouth (upper side) is still numb. When I eat something, it taste almost like metallic taste. My ear seemed to be improved. But sometimes, I still feel lightly plugged.

What I have been eating is.. nothing special and nothing THAT hard. Probably french fries were the hardest food I have eaten in this two months.

I browse around the internet to find if anyone had relapse problems. There were a few, very rare.
I also found some people still have different problems like sinus and so on. Thinking about having other problems, I definitely not want to go back to the second surgery. So at the end, I will probably just give up and take whatever it is.

One of my friends said the funny thing... "Refund! Refund!" it would be nice when something didn't go the way it should be, and they refund money like any other business... I will take that happily :)