I had the appointment with oral surgeon couple of weeks ago to find out about the scan.
Because after he sent me to the scan, he was unreachable. It took me three months to set this appointment as if he didn't want to see me and secretly hoping that I would go away.
As I signed in the office, the secretary handed me a piece of paper about "risk in surgery" that state something like "I understand there is a risk and it won't be perfect."
Maybe they were preparing that I may sue them?
That was my impression.
Then the lady said "you can keep it in case you go to another surgery."
ANOTHER SURGERY... sigh.
When the doctor came in to see me, he was nice, or try to be nice.
Of course, he didn't want to talk about "why this is happening." but more about "what he could do about it."
He showed me scanned pictures and pointed out there were gaps all around between those bones that should be sticked together. ALL AROUND. NOT EVEN A BIT WAS STICKED. sigh.
I imagined myself that my jaw would fall out like zombie.
He said that won't happen.. probably. But who knows.
Here is what he could do:
ANOTHER SURGERY.
to clean stuff in-between.
He said it won't be as bad as the first surgery. But really? How could I trust him now?
And he explained how to do it.
1. It will be the same incisions inside the mouth.
2. Go in.
3. Take out all the screws and plates.
4. Clean out whatever in between.
5. Put back screws and plates.
AND EXTRA BONE FROM HIP TO MAKE SURE IT WILL STICK THIS TIME.
WHAT???
Did I miss something?
EXTRA BONE FROM HIP?
"YES, there is a bone this shape and that and inside this is the one I'm interested to use, I only cut small and it will grow back.... "
Do I have to get some other part of body cut open, cut a piece of bone, scrape the bone to use in my face? did I hear it right? sigh.
SAME RECOVERY.
MORE MONEY.
sigh. sigh. sigh.
And also I mentioned about shifted jaw.
Now he said "I'm not going to touch anything to fix how the jaw line up."
WHAT?
So this surgery is purely to just get rid of whatever inbetween.
BUT MY JAW IS STILL TILTED.
And I thought my cheeks were uneven. But I studied some of old pictures of me smiling before surgery and after surgery. And I looked a lot better BEFORE the surgery because my smile was even. My cheek wasn't stick out like it did after the surgery. Only happened after the surgery. That means this is something to do with how the jaw were put together. My right cheek look bigger now and also my right end of lip shift downwards.
But even if I have another surgery, he wouldn't fix that.
He said my bite is still good. So he would somehow put upper and lower jaws stick together while he works on the non union part of jaw.. or bone.
I insisted that jaw was shifted after the surgery.
Then he said "bottom jaw is little tilted in the first place."
Oh so you know bottom jaw wasn't straight and didn't fix it when I had a chance to do both. Why?
All are neglected.
I visited his office that things are not right, right after the surgery. and he said he didn't see the tilt.
How can he not to see it while he always works on millimeters of difference. He lied.
I was sad and devastated.
Do I really want to go through another surgery? NO.
But what if I leave it? I may encounter other problems.
But the surgery really fix the problems? I don't know.
It may fix the bone, but may create another.
I still have some numbness inside the mouth. Things never taste the same.
This time, if my hip bone is cut, I may have other problems, too.
Tilted jaw will be forever tilted and this time set that way.
Not to mention the cost. It will cost me at least $5000 to $6000 for deductible and coinsurance.
The doctor actually asked me how much to expect. And I mentioned at least that amount.
He said "I can control what I charge, but I cannot control how much the hospital charge."
Does that mean he would perform this surgery free? I doubt it. But he may be saying that for his insurance to the situation that I may sue him? I don't know.
I wish he corrected this right after the surgery.
Of course I didn't want to go in again after that surgery. But if that was the same year, at least I didn't have to pay any more money. Plus it may have done right, not just bone, but the shift. Because I was still wearing the braces. Now my braces are off, they have to install something to hold my teeth together. how that work?
My dentist said it won't worth it. Because more likely to mess up something else.
My mom said the same thing.
My husband doesn't want me to go through another pain again.
Plus we can't really afford another 6K.
My mother-in-law thinks I should sue the doctor.
My sister-in-law who works in the industry said I should go to see another surgeon to get second opinion.
I don't know what I think.
If all are fixed in the way I like, I may tolerate the pain. Only in the case I don't have to pay so much.
The new insurance that I may change into has only $1800 deductible for everything. Still a lot of money. But more do-able than 6K. 6K is out of question.
But I don't want to have them cut the hip bone. I'm getting old, and the less stress in any major area is better.
If I don't have the surgery, I just have to live with whatever I have.
Teeth works fine for now. My bite seems change each day. Probably because it moves.
My mental pain is bigger than anything else.
I went though a lot to get this surgery, and didn't come out right really affecting me mentally.
It is not fair for me.
And I have to look at myself and my face reminds me everyday that it didn't go right.
I LIKED HOW I LOOKED BEFORE THE SURGERY.
I don't like how I look now. Especially I hate being taken a picture.
I used to look fine in most angles, now most angles don't work for me. I look terrible.
Because my smile look uneven. My right cheek looks bigger than the left. One side of mouth goes downwards. This situation is putting me into depression. I don't know how I'm supposed to solve this problems.
I wish I can just forget about it.
